Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
