Have you finally orgasmed yet?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
