i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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