I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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