I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
