Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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