then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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