I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
