We won't sleep together?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
