Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
