Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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