you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
