Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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