Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
