You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
