I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
