just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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