I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
