I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
