I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
