Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
