Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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