Yo dont text me then not text me
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think people are normalizing furries
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
