he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
