we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
