I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize