y did u give ur computer a hand job?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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