I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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