Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
