Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
