I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
