It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
