I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
