He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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