I'm lost and stupid without you.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize