before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
