On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
