been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
