Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
