I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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