So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
