this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Banned from zoo.
Again?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
