eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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