my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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