saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
