I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
