Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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