chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
