Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
