As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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