We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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