non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He? As in you personified your dick?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
