I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
