I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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