What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
