im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
