im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
