she smelled like a LAN party
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
