U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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