Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
