i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
