Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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