Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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