It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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