i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize