I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
