I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
