while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
