you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
