he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
This house was built for laser tag.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
