What did we do last night that was yellow?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
