her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
